If you’ve ever felt like you hated God, but cannot pry your heart out of His hands, then this book is for you. If you’re comfortable with raw transparency and authentic truth about the mysterious relationship between God and His children and creation, then this book is for you. If you’re honest enough to admit that in your darkest moments you’ve doubted, and possibly even hated God, then this book is for you. The stories that follow demonstrate how one person can love God in her heart, but hate Him in her most painful moments, and how our amazing God is able to love us back into an even deeper and richer relationship. The truth is, I adore Jesus and cannot break free of that love. And believe me, I’ve tried. I’ve wandered, I’ve run like Jonah, and I’ve shaken my fist at the heavens when life tried to break me or God had to discipline me. I won’t sugarcoat the raw and bloody truth of my harder places with God. On the contrary, it’s those moments I want most to share because at the end of every single story is a God who wouldn’t let go. A God who has pursued me high and low, deep and wide, and loved me oh so gently and patiently. As I grow and learn and explore this life He has given me, my hope is that when you read the stories I’ve dared to authentically share, your heart will be touched by His and you’ll feel safe in embracing your own transparent walk with God. The devil tried to bleed me to death, but God used the stories to bleed life. Read on, beloved, these are the raw truth stories of hating God, with messy love.
The book is not ordered chronologically. In other words, I’ve utilized random placement for the compilation because life is not always neat and tidy, and certainly not in the order we’d always like. The year these stories begin is 2015 and they span to 2018, so on page 45, you might see a story that occurred in 2018, but on page 48, the year of events described might be 2015. 2018-2022 stories have been written, but will be compiled later. As you read through my life journey, I encourage you to explore your own historical records and seek deeper truths, meaning, purpose, and most of all, the love of God through Jesus.
“God’s promises are like the stars; the darker the night, the brighter they shine”
-David Nicholas